I woke up yesterday in a funk. Well, I say funk. You might say depression. Semantics.
I peeled myself out of bed and put on sweatpants. How dumb are sweatpants? On dudes, dumb.
I forced myself to walk to Caribou Coffee hoping it would shift things in my mud-filled mind.
I arrived and ordered my standard small Earl Grey hot tea and grabbed my corner spot. I always sit at the same table. The one next to a large window where I can watch folks meander about outside. I like watching meandering folks.
Then I opened my journal and this is what came out…
I’m not living.
I just want to lay in bed all day.
I want to run away.
That’s it. I wrote it, closed my journal, and walked home. I’d say that was a fail.
Then I forced myself to sign up for an Orange Theory class. I figured obnoxious levels of hardcore hip hop and an overly aggressive instructor yelling ALLLLL OUT would shock me out of my foul mood. That or give me a full-blown panic attack.
The class didn’t help.
Perhaps you are always happy and can’t understand waking up with a sense of dread like me. Maybe you are one of those ice plunge people who drink celery juice and set goals when you wake up at 4 am.
I had a beer with an old friend last week. We hadn’t seen each other in a while.
“What’s been going on?” I asked as we sat down at the bar.
“Not much,” she replied,” I moved into an apartment and don’t go out much. I just do my art and stay at home. I also found out I am autistic.”
“Oh,” I replied. A bit odd a 38-year-old gets tested for Autism. Maybe I should get tested. I could use another label.
Today is better thank God. I heard a smart fella once say the most important thing he learned in his life is that the highs never last and neither do the lows.
Tomorrow I am going to take a cold shower, drink celery juice, and set goals.
Life is bananas.
Trey
Heard something the other day I found interesting. It was on the Matthew McConaughey 'The Art Of Livin’ from one of his presenters, a woman I do not know. She said 'I do not do...' fill in the blank. I do not do (negative thoughts), (procrastination), (depression), (binge eating), (self pity) - you get the idea- it seems to help.